we need a humor forum.....until then

[Nor Cal Mikie]

 

[dmort]

Walmart is giving out free turkeys this year to anyone who can outrun security.

 

[antelopedundee]

 

[antelopedundee]

 

[antelopedundee]

 

[antelopedundee]

 

[antelopedundee]

 

[Nor Cal Mikie]

 

[Nor Cal Mikie]

 

[antelopedundee]

 

[antelopedundee]

 

[antelopedundee]

Whoever conjured up this apparently couldn't figure out that it should have been it and not it's.

 

[1911Nut]

 

[B J Atkinson]

A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,
when a little girl on her new shiny bike
stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'
'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed
the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year,
tell Santa to put
a reflector light on the back of it!'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
'Nice horse you've got there. Did Santa bring it to you?'

Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
'Yes, he sure did!'

The little girl looked up at the cop and said:

'Next year tell SANTA;
The dick goes underneath the horse,
not on top'!!!

The difference between a police car and a cactus leaf?
The cactus has the pricks on the outside!

 

[B J Atkinson]

The Prime Minister of Australia and his deputy decided that with an election looming they had better get out amongst the people and appear more approachable. They agreed to go to a country hotel and have a few drinks. To appear like locals they dressed in RM Williams outback gear and borrowed a blue heeler sheep dog. Rather than drink in the rowdy front bar they set up in the lounge bar. However, every now and then a bloke would come in from the front bar and lift up the dogs tail, mutter something and walk out. After this had happened a number of times they asked the hotel manager what was going on. He replied that someone in the front bar reckoned that in this room there was a dog with two arse holes!

 

[amiabledave50]

A good friend of mine is Jewish. I was best man at his wedding. And let me tell you if you've never been to a Jewish wedding. Trust me. It was well worth the cover charge...