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Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #946
    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    32

    Angry Penis Enlarger

    Saw an add in a magazine for a penis enlarger guaranteed to work. The price was $49.99. I thought, what the heck , $49.99 and it's guaranteed to work, so I ordered it. They sent me a freakin magnifying glass.
    Last edited by penn63; 11-03-2020 at 06:49 PM.

  2. #947
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,227

    Really

    Sure
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  3. #948
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    223

    Cool The difference between involved and committed

    The difference between involved and committed is like bacon and eggs.

    The chicken was involved, the pig was committed

  4. #949
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    223
    Teacher put a large map of Australia on the blackboard and asked the class if anybody could show where Tasmania was.

    Mary put her hand up, walked to the map and pointed to the large island just below the south east corner of Australia.

    Teacher said "Well done Mary" and told her to resume her seat.

    Teacher then asked if anybody knew who discovered Tasmania and little Johnny's hand shot up so teacher said "OK Johhny, so who discovered Tasmania"?

    "Mary did"

  5. #950
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    so. california desert
    Posts
    360

    On the train

    An old man was sitting on a train across from a blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he was unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs.
    To his delight, he realized she was 'going commando'. She saw him staring and inquired, "Are you looking at my vagina?"

    "Yes, I'm sorry," he replied. "It's quite all right," she replied, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

    With a little twitch of her hips, sure enough, the vagina blew him a kiss. The old man was completely astounded and inquired what else it could do.

    "I can also make it wink," she replied. The old man stared in amazement as the vagina winked at him.

    "Come and sit next to me," she said, patting the seat. He moved over and she asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

    Stunned and looking amazed, he asked, "You're kiddin' me, you mean it can whistle, too?"

  6. #951
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    423

    We CAN Reform Criminals...

    We CAN Reform Criminals...

    It’s official.
    After 6 burglaries, 3 car thefts, multiple illegal trespasses, an ongoing cocaine and alcohol addiction, committing 2 violent home invasions, 3 armed robberies, dealing Fentanyl and Meth, passing counterfeit money, beating 4 victims senseless and being arrested 23 times since 1998, George Floyd has not committed a crime in four months now…

  7. #952
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    223
    From my li'l bro in Az.

    Why don't Texans like to go to Washington in the winter?

    Too many snowflakes.

  8. #953
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    599
    I was in the McLean VA Giant food store.
    A women was being absolutely obnoxious to the clerk.

    "Don't you know who I am?
    My husband is a US Senator."

    The poor clerk stayed clam, looked at her, and said "There are a hundred of you in Washington.
    Your card did not go through. The office is over there."
    The lady realized that while she might be a big deal in whatever state she was from, she is just like
    everyone else at the local grocery store.

    Other people in the line started clapping.

  9. #954
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    423

    the pearly gates on christmas eve

    A Christmas Story


    Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

    Saint Peter said, 'In honor of this holy season, you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

    The Army helicopter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle,’ he said. Saint Peter said 'It did make light; you may pass through the pearly gates'.

    The Air Force pilot reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said, 'They had a ring to them; you may pass through the pearly gates.’

    The Marine pilot started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' He replied, 'These are Carols.'

    And so, my friends, the Christmas Season Begins...

  10. #955
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Wilcox, PA
    Posts
    676

    Cool

    Quote Originally Posted by rsmithsr View Post
    A Christmas Story


    Three pilots died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

    Saint Peter said, 'In honor of this holy season, you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

    The Army helicopter pilot thumbed through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle,’ he said. Saint Peter said 'It did make light; you may pass through the pearly gates'.

    The Air Force pilot reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.' Saint Peter said, 'They had a ring to them; you may pass through the pearly gates.’

    The Marine pilot started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?' He replied, 'These are Carols.'

    And so, my friends, the Christmas Season Begins...
    i remember her.

  11. #956
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    so. california desert
    Posts
    360

    wallpaper

    Q: How many gay guys does it take to wallpaper a room?

    A: Two, if you slice them real thinly.

  12. #957
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    583
    Lol
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  13. #958
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    223

    Deer

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    * doggie *

  14. #959
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,227
    For True
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  15. #960
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,227
    Scout Badge
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