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Thread: we need a humor forum.....until then

  1. #991
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Location
    North Eastern Australia
    Posts
    223

    Local Cops

    I have a roadblock 300m from my home near the NSW-Vic border. It is to check anybody crossing the border in case they come from a covid hotspot (We still have the occasional one in Oz).

    Feeling in a cheeky mood the conversation went like this.

    Cop. "Good afternoon sir, where have you just travelled from?"

    Me. "My mum told me not to talk to strangers"

    Cop. "If you do not answer you may be turned around or be arrested and taken to the nearest police station"

    Me. "My mum also told me not to get into their car"

    After a few smiles and an id check all was cool so I went home, gotta love Australian cops, most of them are pretty nice people.

    This is a true story.

    * doggie *

  2. #992
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Down By the Cedar River
    Posts
    1,227
    A wealthy donor to politicians spoke to a recipient of his donations, demanding the Congressman give a job to the donor’s son.

    The Congressman asked the donor, “What can your son do? Does he have any talents or skills?”

    “Nope, not a thing,” replied the dad.

    “Great!” Said the Congressman. “We won’t have to train him.”

  3. #993
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Ames, Iowa
    Posts
    583
    Confucious say "Woman can run faster with skirt up than man can with pants down."

  4. #994
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    423

    Churches vs squirrels

    Churches vs squirrels



    The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

    At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

    The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

    The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

    But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

    Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

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